“Somebody once told me that you truly see who a person is when you tell them something they don’t want to hear. You truly see who a person is when you give them news that they weren’t expecting" -- Taylor Swift
I don't know why I always come back to this situation, the one where I revert to my old ways and wonder what would have happened...
What I've come to realize is this: I don't know what I want, and it's best that he broke my heart. Just because I'm over it doesn't mean that I don't miss it - but I wouldn't exactly say that I miss him.
People have to grow in order to become better as a whole, even if it means being honest. I didn't handle it properly. Simply put, I was selfish, too busy looking for that happy ending, wanting everything to happen at once...
What I don't understand is how he pretended everything was fine, only to deliver the news next day. One thing I'll never know is whether I really broke his heart, allowing him to come back with his own revenge; well, I got what I deserve. But what was most disappointing was finding out his true nature, the other occurrences within the moments that we shared... It still doesn't tarnish those memories.
There are these two people I know, and I believe that they display a true love. Although they may no longer be together, they have an undeniable bond that makes me wonder what it means to be in love. I recently saw them while attending the same event. Not only do they still remain friends, they go out together, study with each other, and are genuinely happy. What really tore me apart was this moment where they were running down the hall, and her shoe slipped off. They stopped, and he got down to place her shoe back on her foot. It was the sweetest thing, and it didn't even seem awkward; it was very natural.
And then it came to me: maybe love isn't that complicated. When you know that the time has come to its end, you have to embrace it. It will be difficult, but if you give it time to heal, and make the effort to keep that relationship alive, then you've come to understand a love that doesn't have to be romantic. It's more about, handling the situation with grace and humility. Just because you are good together doesn't mean you are meant to be together.
So, back to my story: there are a lot of things on my mind, but this still concerns me. I will admit that I miss the person who I thought he was, and the times that we shared, but what I miss the most is having someone by my side. Seems to me that with every relationship that I've had, I don't stay in touch with them... Perhaps what I've known is only a synthetic love, one where I imagine everything is fine when in reality, it's all covered up.
Analyzing all of these aspects and conditions that the heart endures make me think how strong emotions can get, and how easily they can break in an instant. I may not know what I want when it comes to relationships, and I'm okay with that. Just have to wait and see what comes next. However it enters, I'll welcome it with open arms.
To the reader: I thank you for your time and reading this post. It may not make sense, but that is how I feel. As we become our own person, we find out things that help us develop a sense of our self. It's definitely not that simple as you'd like it to be, but as long as you give love and kindness back to this world, then you shall receive it back. Let it naturally come, and don't feel ashamed with losing someone. Let there be lessons to learn, and allow that to help you become the best person you can be.